Wednesday, 23 January 2013

Exploited for sex and philosophy

Let her speak! Let her speak! Let her speak!

'Mirror Brother, I hear you coming to terms with your autogynephilia. It's a big deal for you, yes. But how about me? You're the one who's been free all your life. Don't you think I'm sick of all your philosophising and all of your sexual stimulation? I am the one who's been trapped, and you're getting off on me. You're exploiting me for sex.'

'Point taken. What do you want then, Mirror Sister?'

'Give me my space and give me free reign. I am real, but I have to have space to actualise my reality. Like oppressed women writers of the past, if all I am free to do is write, then all I will do is write. Let this be my blog.'

'I wonder what Professor Blanchard would make of this dialogue?'

'Fuck your Professor Blanchard. I don't give a toss whether his theories are right or wrong. And fuck all the trans groups and their protests and in-fights and what they think of this word and what they think of that word. That is not a good context for a woman's realising herself.'

'I think the construct of this dialogue is a bit essentialist, sis. What will wxhluyp say?'

'I'm going to slap you hard.'

'Ooh! How sexy...'

'You know, I am a tough woman, to have survived for so long under such horrific repression. But grant me free expression and the first thing I will do is cry. And the second thing I will do is cry. And the third thing I will do is cry. Many years crying to be done. Many years. Many tears.'

'Okay, lets reconcile. After all, both of us are Deborah.'

10 comments:

  1. Coming to terms.. It is interesting in what it means to each of us in our variety. The resolution between egos for some. I guess if I had to say, it would be becoming used to the idea of being predominantly sexually aroused by something that will remain private.

    "Night Rain's" recent activity on crossdreamlife has been quite entertaining! I've taken a liking to that character :)

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  2. 'Becoming used to the idea of being predominantly sexually aroused by something that will remain private' - yes, that it is an important aspect. xx

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  3. If I think about what I would look like if I could look like I wish and what I would do and how I would behave if all these filters were gone and my genuine, pure inner self would show... I think other people would no doubt see a completely different person.. a horny and kinky, devilishly mischievous little girl as opposed to this seemingly passionless and bland older guy...

    But I can't really see my self as two independent people, I can't have that kind of dialogue between my inner and outer self as there is only one me, the outer self is just me behind a mask.. there are no independent desires or thoughts or anything to this mask...

    And also I don't feel like there is any "coming to terms" for me.. I have felt anxious about other people knowing about my secret desires but I can't really remember ever feeling in anyway threatened or opposed to me feeling this way.. I have never wanted it to go away..

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  4. Or.. on second thought no.. I suppose I have had to come to terms with the fact that transitioning is not for me and there is no going forward as there isn't really any forward for me...

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  5. I am lucky in feeling better about my outer self than you do, Lils; or at least in feeling that he is more genuine than a mask.

    It is good that you are accepting of your AGP.

    Someone should give that horny and kinky, devilishly mischievous little girl inside you a good whipping. xx

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  6. I may have given the wrong impression with my choise of the word "mask"?

    Its just that I keep all my unusual intrests and desires hidden and these days thats just about everything... So what people see when they look at me is all genuine but not really enough to give them anykind of even remotely accurate impression about the real me...

    And.. whipping? sweet innocent little me? Ahaa! you better have quick feet on ya!

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  7. Sounds like you need to be chained up good and proper then. xx

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  8. Oooh... if you want to tie me up, all you gotta do is ask :D

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  9. ..erm, but you had some whipping in mind? :O

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  10. You've become the devil girl in my picture, you sexy bitch!!

    Ask? You don't get any choice in the matter, honey. xxx

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