Deborah at play

Crossdreaming online seems so exciting in the abstract, and it is revealing of its importance for me that I still actually feel that excitement in my soul. It feels like going down Alice's rabbit hole or the Narnia wardrobe. The outer/inner, male/female, non-sexual/sexual, rl/online polarities all fit together neatly and wonderfully.

But a lot of the time I'm just debating and theorising. That's not very feminine, is it? The attraction of the feminine for me rests in softness and vulnerability, yet when I post my argument somewhere I feel like toughening up to face the exposure and the antagonism.

Wouldn't it be nice if wxhluyp, Jack Molay and myself and all the other mtf crossdreamers with strong opinions could get together and be utterly soft, delicate and tender; stroke each other and say sweet things?

Well its something individual about me that I choose to do what I am doing, rather than get straight down to some hot and horny fun.

'Does Debs have online fun with other crossdreamers, or doe she only write on blogs and forums?' avid readers may wonder.

Answer: yes it has happened, but only now and again.

There, that's the titbit of juicy self-revelation delivered. Who knows, there just might be another one next year.

I like writing, I feel comfortable with it. I like the space I have to express myself with words here, whereas online chat can feel invasive, especially if I'm suddenly amongst a group of people I don't know from Eve (hope you dug that trans witticism there, ladies). Being introverted, after I've done a bit of writing, I often feel exhausted, and don't really feel going out and virtually engaging with those sometimes frightening, often wearying characters other people. So I just go off and be even more thoroughly alone than I am when I  write this introspective diary.

So the options are: 1) sexy fun, if I can handle the extroversion required; 2) withdrawal (even into, horror of horrors, rl!); 3) writing to develop a crossdreaming community in what I think is the right way, i.e. positive, and proudly but not pornographically sexual. (Or some mixture of the three of course.)  I'm not sure quite why I feel drawn to the third option. Maybe it's even something to do with wanting to do good in the world. Fancy having a motive like that, in this day and age.