Deborah is

Perhaps I am a woman trapped in a computer...

Perhaps I am only given freedom of expression when Mirror Brother condescends to log on. Otherwise the only hold I have over Mirror Brother is through his sexuality. Quite a big hold, huh? But actually our relationship is a good one, isn't in, bro? It's not like jailer and captive at all.

In fact I am not a captive. The only restriction upon me is external reality, a heavy restriction even for the most free people. Kind Mr Blogger has even given me this free space in which to express whatever I like to an anonymous audience.

(HI AUDIENCE! HOW ARE YOU DOING? THANK YOU FOR SPENDING THIS MOMENT WITH ME, WHEN THERE IS SO MUCH ELSE YOU COULD BE DOING. FEEL FREE TO LEAVE A FRIENDLY WORD IN THE COMMENTS SECTION.  LOVE AND KISSES FROM DEBS XXX)

Perhaps I am fed up with questioning who I am, why I am. As I write I feel genuine. Not real as in verifiably evident in the external world, but genuine. And right now I am definitely not existing in order to give Mirror Brother sexual stimulation.

Mirror Brother sees me in women, in pictures of women. He looks at them and thinks 'this woman's appearance expresses something in the character of Mirror Sister (aka Deborah)'.

But what is the truth? Oh, I am so sick of 'What is the truth? What is the truth? What is the truth?'

My inner consciousness feels so deep within Mirror Brother, so far removed from what is externally evident, it would be quite as distinct from the outer persona even if it were masculine. But some deep, deep instinct tells me that my inner self, if it has a gender at all, is female, female, female. This is an instinct, an impulse. If you are trans you probably have something similar.

What do I want to do? I ask my instincts. They say they want me to say to you, my readers, 'see me here, see me here, I am Deborah Kate, female.'

Some would think 'yes, okay, honey, we know you are female. Now please do something other than assert, justify and philosophise'. Others would say 'he claims to be female! What a preposterous conceit!' Oh, I don't  know, I don't know, I don't know. I don't know for sure. Right now I just want to be steady, quiet, but calmly still present, gently reiterating 'here I am. I am Deborah Kate, female. Deborah  Kate, proud and happy to be female.' xx