Diver descends

Exploring my oceans of inner self, below a certain level in my psyche I suffer a sea-change.

Into something rich and strange.

Into the femme... splash, shudder, gulp... ooh, lovely. What beauty to explore. Soft, pastel, delicate, sensitive, subtle.

The diver transforms to match the territory.

A pleasure, a duty to oneself, a bold adventure.

And there's a cave. At the far end of it are other divers.

The cave entrance is shaped like a computer.

Meet me in magical transformative cyberwater. xxx

cd-girl

I am a cd-girl. Yes, that's what I am.

'cd' stands for 'crossdreaming' of course.

I have coined the term because on the one hand it presents the female identification upfront; on the other, it contextualises it within mtf crossdreaming, so doesn't assert an actual membership of the classes transsexuals (t-girl) or females (girl). And 'girl' sounds sexier than 'woman' to me.

Crossdreaming gender identification can be awkward. The identification is what it's all about. The identification is your sexuality and therefore your right. It doesn't have to be justified by any belief in objective womanhood. The f identification creates the stimulation, which can be a deeply liberating, subtle and interesting feeling, not just a shallow thrill. And if you are a crossdreamer you ARE a cd-girl, i.e. you DO identify as f within your sexuality (an important, deep and revealing area, as I keep on insisting), even if acknowledging this at other times might make you uncomfortable.

You owe it to your inner female and your sexuality to acknowledge that you are a cd-girl, to identify at least sometimes as her, rather than as a male with an issue.

Kisses,
Debs xxx

Like it or not, in my sexuality I am every bit as girly as the females in all these pictures I upload

Deborah ghost

I am a ghost. I advise you not to deny my existence, nor to treat me as a flesh-and-blood living human. My existence is intrusive yet elusive, powerful yet insubstantial.

If you don't try to pin me down I can be your friend, be fun for you. You can appreciate my strange beauty.

But that's your business. I carry on regardless of your attitude.

As for me, well, how do you think it feels to live as a ghost?

Deborah Ascends: Feelings, actions, beliefs, qualifications

There are feelings, there are actions and there are beliefs.

Here on this blog I want to express my trans feelings, in all their femme glory.

How to act upon those feelings, beyond writing a blog, is difficult to decide.

What are my beliefs about trans? Oh, the beliefs are not really part of the feelings, nor is expressing them the really satisfying action. Debating beliefs slides the project away from getting into my femininity towards the pleasure of intellectual debate. Not a particularly femme pleasure is it?

I feel I have spent too much time in such debate. Hence the non-intellectual style of recent posts.

Yet lest there are readers critiquing the validity of my assertions in the previous post (not evident from the comments department), here once again are some intellectual qualifications.

The claim of inner femaleness is an expression of deep feeling. It is not a scientific claim or a political demand.

I do not believe that I - the whole of me - is female, because I maintain that there is a lot more to gender than just self-interpretation of the inner self. I do not have a female body and I have not had the experience of living as a woman. So I am not one.

Without any scientific claim to support it, is my identifying my inner self as female not a conceit? I would say no more than is a man's identifying his inner self as male.

I feel strongly that there is nothing wrong (as opposed to difficult) about an inner self /outer self discrepancy. It creates greater gender understanding and acceptance, I would think.

And sexuality? It is Freud's eros, a  force pulsing vitally through life. Locating one's inner gender there doesn't marginalise or invalidate it.   .

But identifying as inwardly feminine can be a wider, more important project than just a specialised way of attaining orgasm. It surely affects one's self-image profoundly, and why shouldn't it? It is a choice, a bold one in spite of much. In fact it is an important action in response to deep feelings, more than it is a belief.

Deborah Ascends: Born again female

One of the most powerful, moving feelings I have is when I consider all the trans feelings I have had in my past, starting from a very early age.

I am proud of these feelings. I am a little in awe of them. They were so utterly internal; not derived from my social environment and not compatible with it I didn't nurture or encourage them, I didn't appreciate their significance, I rather marginalised them.

Only looking back now, linking then all together, do I see their full force. It is a force that still directs, impels me, makes me do certain things while I am unclear of my conscious motivation.  

My trans feelings are very deep, very instinctive.

I feel motherly towards my child self who experienced them. I want to hold her, affirm her, love her.

I want to honour her feelings by seeing them through into maturity.

And my trans feelings are beautiful.

I think femininity is lovely, I am so thrilled to be feminine.


erotic identity

My trans erotic identity comes from deep within me. It indicates something fundamental about my inner self.

I am not a man with a fetish.

'Fetish' belittles crossdreaming sexuality.

The erotic identity does challenge an essential masculine identification.

I have a male body and I have experienced life as a male, which has greatly influenced my character. But this does not mean that my inner self is essentially masculine, as society would have me believe. My erotic identity suggests otherwise, and I do not feel a deep sense of essential masculinity.


inner in her

In comprehending your inner realm you are largely on your own. You don't see other people's inner realms. But the inner realm is vast, it is not just an introjection, a shadow of the outer realm. You have to have confidence in your own introspective investigations.

And ultimately your inner realm is autonomous. You declare its truths, because you reign there. Or even if you are not quite monarch of your inner realm, you are at least its chief interpreter, and you are the kingdom it reigns over.

So, what is the gender of my inner self:

'Female! female! female!' she shouts exunberantly. Oh what a deep instinct reaches the controls to answer that question.

(Qualifications for intellectual nitpickers will follow in another post. But I am sick of qualifications - defensive spoilsports that evade the deep and beautiful truth.)

To be sure, it's an inner self that has been influenced by masculine conditioning. Not necessarily always for the worst. But it's time to minimalise the internalising of the conditioning, to expand the inner space in which the femaleness indicated by my erotic identity, by my trans feelings past and present, can grow and flourish.

One means of expansion is giving my inner self written expression in this blog. This blog is written by my inner self, Deborah. I am Deborah and I am a girl. Wheeee!

I am Deborah and I am a girl. I am a girl. I am a girl. I am a girl. I am a girl,. I am a girl.I am a girl. I am a girl. I am a girl. I am a girl. I am a girl. I am a girl. I am a girl. I am a girl. I am a girl. I am a girl, I am a girl. I am a girl. I am a girl. I am a girl. I am a girl. I am a girl.I am a girl. I am a girl. I am a girl. I am a girl. I am a girl. I am a girl. I am a girl. I am a girl,. i am a girl. I am a girl. I am a girl. I am a girl. I am a girl. I am a girl. I am a girl. I am a girl,. I am a girl. I am a girl. I am a girl, I am a girl. I am a girl. I am a girl. I am a girl. Yesss!

Deborah Ascends: Femme uprising

My journey into my femininity has been wayward, erratic, restless.

What seems like a deep truth one day might not feel at all right the next.

I started Deborah Descends as an escape from the earnestness, positivity and general cleanness of Mirror Sister. I wanted to be free to be dirty.

The descent motif partly indicated a decline into becoming possessed by my own sexual feelings. This to me is a sexy notion in itself.

But at times, including now, I have felt the association of femininity with debauchery abusive.

My femme inner self, Deborah, is a sensitive character finally exploring a little freedom of expression.

I, Deborah, am a sensitive character finally exploring a little freedom of expression. I am not just a sex object.

I am claiming my space. I am rising.

we can only be special

obviously the gender binary constricts, contorts, oppresses.

everyone should be liberated from cultural expectations of gender.

some of us though do not need internal liberation, only external license.

we have instinctively trans-cended the oppression.

we don't fit in with cultural gender expectations (which are crap).

we don't fit in with orthodox sexuality (which is so narrow).

the most oppressive societal attitude though is that towards people who don't fit in.

those who don't fit in should be the educators.

we are special.

if you are trans you can never be either an ordinary woman or an ordinary man. you can only be special.

that the world doesn't acknowledge us as special is a fault of the world.

we just have to appreciate our own specialness without the world's assistance.

t-4-true

shakespeare said some are born to femme, some achieve femme and some have femme thrust upon them.

who did he mean? did he mean respectively women, transsexuals and the lucky protagonists in captions and fictonmania??

shakespeare was a wise man so i think he meant something different.

some of us are born to recognise and love the femme in us more than anything else. missing out category 2 some people - not to beat around the bush I mean women right - have female bodies and the expectation of being feminine thrust upon them.

i mean put it this way who should we regard as the true princesses? Those of royal birth who like as not hate having  to be princesses or those of whatever birth who feel princessyness deep in their souls and f**king love it?

t-princesses we r!!!xxx

volunteers

omg girl!

omg i am on the floor screeching screeching squealing and screeching.

THIS IS THE LIFE!!

better than watching sports on the telly at any rate.

mirror sister 4 girlz of today

for the umpteenth time, girls, debbie sez the crucial question is not wot causes u 2 b a crossdreamer, the crucial fact is u r a crossdreamer. like it or not. the crucial question is how do u feel about being a crossdreamer?

put it this wayz. theres the inner and the outer, right? which is more real, which is the realm of the really real?

debbie sez: THEY BOTH ARE!

some of us r happy with our outer gender, some r not. this is very important of course.

debs realm though is the realm of the inner. so, how do u feel about yr inner gender, as revealed by the silver spotlight of sexuality?

DONT DOUBT ITS REALITY, OKAYZ!!!

and dont feel lonely with it, petal. there are millionz of us crossdreamy girlz out there in the big pink world - t-girilies, t-fairies, t-princesses, t-slutz, t-tomboyz even. all making the world a lovelier place with our delicious femme spirit!!

it takes 2 2 know u say but there r so many more than 2 of us right?

so take the t-pledge with princess debbie:

I celebrate my beautiful inner femmeness.

I celebrate the beautiful inner femmeness of all my crossdreamy sisters out there.

and PARTY!!!xxx

astronaut in girly space

oooh debbie is exploring deep girly space

its where debs needs needs to go

a right of passage

or is she just being helplessly sucked into it, drifting through the beautiful, dangerous vastness, hopelessly, deliriously out of control...

all gone girly

delightful, delirious, delicious girlyness defies all.

debtastic!!

ooh dive into that pure femininity ladies!!!

debs squeals in ultra-girliness forever xxx 

relentless invasion of the girly girls

omg debbie is like becoming a real GIRLY GIRL!!!! the way she's changing is like TOTALLY AMAZIN!!!!

and not like an oldfashioned girly thing

no girl like a modern girl of today ya know like geddit???

uhuh ain't debs jus so cute? like who needs barbie when debbie is around?

well at least barbie has some style i spose not like those boring snoring intellectuals oh and btw girls debbie is ditching that stoopid old geeky capital letters n stuff  - thats sooh last century!!!

anywayz nightynight my darlings!! miss debbie loves yooo!! xxx

Bye-bye Heidegger, hello Barbie

Guest writer Janikest has written a thoughtful article at Jack Molay's Crossdreamers blog, entitled Crossdreaming: A Push Towards a Self-Authoring Journey. It's intelligent and affirming. It employs a rather elaborate schema derived from developmental psychology for arguing that crossdreamers can ultimately benefit from being obliged to face life's existential challenges which those who perceive themselves as 'normal' might evade. I endorse the conclusion, and especially Jack's own comments beneath it.

As a crossdreamer I am particularly conscious of my choice as to what to do with my sexuality and my gender identity. Yet at the same time I am particularly conscious that crossdreaming itself is not a choice: crossdreaming has chosen me as one of its own, whether I like it or not.

Please forgive me, though, if I feel exhausted and a bit bored by this kind of thinking. (There's plenty of it in the annals of Deborah Descends and Mirror Sister if you are interested.)

At this stage in my journey into my inner femininity omg I just want to be another girly girl lol

Debbie doll

It cleanses the soul to be transformed into a doll every so often.

So human, so divine. 

Look at these beautiful porcelain dolls by Marina Bychkova. Which one is you?

Pretty girl Debbie

I'm getting less intellectual, aren't I?

Sexual existential

Free your identity, let it find itself...

Crossdream Life again

I've resumed commenting at Crossdream Life.

If you like Deborah Descends then you probably either know of or would like Crossdream Life.I do encourage you to both read and contribute. When there are many regular contributors it can be really exciting, as well as useful. It's the best base I've found for a crossdreaming community that isn't based around porn. xx

High-heeled forever!

Hi girls!

Deborah has been descending deeper and deeper into girlyness, oh yes!

Wheeeeee!!

The pink femme blood pulsating inside me has gone into overdrive and is seeping through my skin. One consequence of this is that my feet have got glued permanently in high heels.

I have always suspected that high heels and boots wear the woman inside them, more than vice versa. The footwear selects the woman, puts her in and controls her.

I now know this to be the case.

What does it say about a woman if she is wearing high heels?

Whatever it says, it says that about me.

Debbie is a high-heeled girl forever!

Pink kisses,
Debs xxxxx

Bed princess / Deborah dommed

This picture of my heroine Kate Beckinsale represents visually how I feel when I am in bed princess mode, like now for instance.

Not 'I'm so sexy, I can get you', but 'I'm so full of sexy feelings'. Not sex object but sex subject.

Princess of my own bed, and totally given over to soft, sensual feelings that well up from the depths of my psyche into a delicious femme sexiness that pulses through my blood and completely takes me over.

Dominated by my own sexual feelings. Squealing, writhing, kicking in ecstatic helplessness.

 Yummm!

And oh, that's me in those eyes, Deborah looking out from sheer sexy delight to see you looking at me. It takes two to...

Transformed, enblooded

Deborah finds new beauty.

Pink Riot

Ooooh, a femme riot is going on inside of me. The old guard are losing control. Stiletto heels are stamping on  law and order. Dignitaries are being tied up in fishnet stockings. Femme revolutionary slogans are being daubed all over parliament in garish lipstick.

Will Deborah be pushed down the stairs of her own descent, to become a

?

On second thoughts

Hello again.

I renege on my closure of this blog. I shamefacedly admit that I have changed my mind.

If this irritates you feel free to hit me over the head with your handbag.

The decision to close it actually reignited my enthusiasm for online crossdreaming discourse.

So much for resolve. The resolve was mirror brother's idea. Well, I have tied him up, written 'I am a girl' all over his chest in red lipstick  and gagged him with a pair a pink panties. He likes that really.

Oh, I am not in control of this thing. I can respond to where I find myself on the descent with grace and honesty, but

I AM NOT IN CONTROL OF THIS THING.

Farewell again

So many internet initiatives peter out without a word. It's understandable: if there is motivation for a final word, there's probably sufficient motivation for at least keeping the option open to carry on.

That's not my way, though. The energetic flow of the descent has declined - at least quantitatively - to a dribble. So no more decline, here's a neat ending, perhaps overdue.

My interest in life in cyberspace is currently at a low. Deborah may resurface, perhaps under a new name, perhaps still as Deborah, but the descent ends here.

Blessings to all crossdreamers. I celebrate our transcendence of gender constraints, and our special sexuality.

Thanks, love and kisses to loyal readers.

Byeeee,
Deborah xxxxx

Deborah's dance of sadness

Oceans of sadness. Oh, oceans of sadness.

Is this not a part of life? Do we not all wade through oceans of sadness, so constant that we cease to be aware of them most of the time?

I do not like to think of trans as being a special entitlement to extra self-pity. To me it just seems typical of life's complications.

But deep sadness there is. Sadness at the bitter cruelty of the gender divide. It is not just a matter of society getting it wrong. It is imposed on us by biology. The male-bodied dancer needs more than cultural licence to dance a female part with true beauty: he needs a female body.

Sadness at the horrible repression of foiled expression.

It is not just a matter of trans (less is it a matter of wanting to be female all the time). It is a matter of an ideal self in an ideal world, where the thing to do is dance, versus all of the wretched limitations and vicissitudes of the actual.

Trans can deliver a keener appreciation of femininity. We treasure it because we don't take it for granted. But we are constantly up against a 'but...'. We are doing what in a fundamental way doesn't fit (while in other fundamental ways it so does fit). The thrill is the other side of the coin of a frustration too permanent to be distinguishable as a distinct part of everyday existence.

But Deborah dances. Deborah dances within. A sad dance, a lonesome dance, but  a beautiful one. For my t-femininity is an inspiring beacon of beauty and truth within me. I love it.

It needs persistent affirmation, being up against its sheer contrariness. Recently I have felt less happy about the blog as a medium for self-expression and connection, although it has served me well in the recent past. But I here I am, instinctively turning to it again. Deborah seems to reach for it, despite Mirror Brother's weariness.

An affirmation published online has a stronger reality. And, if you are a crossdreamer / male femme,   it reaches out to co-affirm the beautiful t-femininity within you, dear reader. x x

Strange transience

I must admit that I am fond of most of what I have written here and on Mirror Sister.

If you are too, then I am flattered. Thank you very much.

What a compliment to yours truly, that people revisit my blogs, out of all the websites they could be reading, out of all the activities they could be doing. Gosh, and thank you ever so much again.

If you like what I have written in the past, I hope your attitude is that you are pleased that it is still there, as available to be read as it always was.

I hope you don't want me to carry on writing the same kind of posts that I have written in the past. I would like to think that I have better things to do with my time than to repeat myself.

But of course the present kicks the past out into darkness. Few people read old blog posts.

Well, I am pleased that I have contributed to some individual readers' past moments. If everything now rolls on without any further contributions from me, so be it.

Or maybe what I contribute in future will be quite different from what I have contributed in the past. This would not invalidate what I have written in the past.

Love and kisses,
Debs xxx

Debbie can't make up her mind

[As ever. So far, so far from all of those who are stridently definite...]

Just supposing, just supposing, just supposing I am a girl, underneath it all. Of course my awareness of this would be tenuous and nebulous, of course. Then acting on this awareness would be the most crucial pursuit. 

Just supposing I am not a girl, not at all. Just supposing the inner woman is just a fantasy, stimulated by a sexuality that doesn't indicate any genuine femininity. Of course I would enjoy the fantasy. Apart from the sexual stimulation it would be a safe place where I could recreate myself, abolishing all the unappealing aspects of me and all the unappealing aspects of the world at the same time. Why not do that? Well, it doesn't seem like a very adult pursuit. If I am serious about pursuing it, I ought to do it properly in the company of others somewhere in virtual land: Second Life, most obviously. But even the most developed, engaged, impressive t-female in Second Life has another half: the lonesome man in front of the computer. Doesn't Mirror Brother wan't to do something better with his life than that, living vicariously through his t-alter-ego? 

Oh, but my femme blood is forever lured ...

[painting: Lady Claudine by Marcel Dyf]

Seriously t-female

It's quite a thought that I was brought up on the assumption that I didn't have any sense of t-femalenes within me. So much of the shaping of me has been without acknowledgement of that very important part.

To reidentify, reinterpret myself in a way that takes on board, integrates the t-femaleness is quite something. It's a project that needs bold pursual, and constant reaffirmation. It's a brave and important project.

It's a project that should go beyond sexual stimulation. Merely to get sexual gratification from such thoughts and not develop them further is denying an important part of me. Even if that part is itself very sexual. Throughout society sexual desire is a major motivation in social interaction and in self-presentation. This doesn't make the interaction and presentation false. The ladies' man really is a ladies' man; the seductress really is a seductress. The sexual nature of their goals doesn't mean they should just fantasise and masturbate these elements out of their systems.

T-femaleness can be a refuge, an inner comfort zone, as well as a reliable pleasure. That is fine. But there's a bigger way for me to embrace it.

T-female

Any avid, long-term readers of my blogs may have noticed how a regular theme is my strong sense of identification and bond with other crossdreamers. I'm hot on this, aren't I?

What isn't a theme is a sense of my identification and bond with women.

This latter is because I don't feel such things.

There is a sense in which I feel that attractive women are expressing something deep within me, rather than something external to me which I would like to posses through sexual interaction. I sometimes feel when I see women acting in the world, 'it would be nice if I could act in the world like that'. But I do not feel that I actually am the same kind of person as them. Something kindred deep within me perhaps, but the deep within is not all of a person, and interpretation of it can only really be speculative.

Whatever the potential at birth, I have not had the experience of being brought up in the world as a woman, so I have not become one.

Hence I am uneasy at describing myself and other crossdreamers as female, whatever the reality and importance of our trans feelings. So I like to describe our sense of our femaleness as t-femaleness. We are t-females, or at least there are t-females within us.

I'm not going to be strict about this, but even if I don't always actually preface 'female' with 't-', 't-female' is what I mean in a crossdreamer context.

We haven't been brought up as female, and of course that has greatly affected who we are. Nor can we really be certain of any actual scientific femaleness within us. But we are crossdreamers, which is all about our sense of femaleness within us. That in itself is a very important part of who we are. Isn't it, t-sisters?

Delicate shrieks

Ohhh, I hear the shrieks. The femme shrieks. The world is shrieking femme at me. From outside me I hear them: delicate, elegant, gentle, incessant, intense. Shrieking into me, shrieking from deep within me.

It's exciting, and it's scary. It's lovely and its overwhelming.

What are they? What do they saying to me? What do they want?

They say 'Go beyond, Deborah, go beyond...'

They command 'Descend, descend, descend...'

Queendom of the internal

Wouldn't the world be so different if we were all turned inside out, so that our innermost feelings were what everyone else saw of us?

In such a new world transgender would be no more exraordinary than the rest of the transformations.

The inside is real, though, even if it never becomes the outside. The way the world is arranged so that we meet each other on the outside can make the inner realm - certainly including transgender feelings - seem nebulous, but real and important it certainly is. How real and how important we might need to reassert to ourselves frequently.

I'm fascinated by having an identity - crossdreamer - that connects me with others, through inner feelings rather than outer features. Inner feelings are so individual, yet these are my special bond with others. And furthermore, these feelings indicate I actually conform to , I actually belong within, a certain category. I read about what crossdreamers feel, and appreciate 'yes, that is me, on the inside'. Not so completely individual after all.

Most group identities are derived from undisputable external facts, such as nationality, age. Some are derived from conscious choices, such as political affiliation. But crossdreamer is neither external nor chosen. It is derived from inner feelings.

A lot of trans bloggers start with the assertion 'I am trans', then discuss either discuss politics and theory or else describe what they do, externally, to act on their trans feelings. But I am more interested in the feelings themselves,how the self experiences and relates to them.

It's extraordinary and fascinating.

By putting my thoughts and feelings out on this blog they acquire a different reality than if they remained just currents in my internal ocean that flows back and forth indefinitely and leaves few traces. Here they  become but drops in the ocean of cyberspace; but for you, reader, in this moment now, they are entering your consciousness, with love from me to you. x x

Androgynous crossdreamer

I hereby declare myself to be an androgynous crossdreamer.

By 'androgynous' I do not mean 'presents as on borderline between genders', but 'identifies as having inner femaleness and inner maleness'.

The two parts are equally real and deep. The female part is not a trivial fetish, the male part is not a mask.

Perhaps the term could be useful for others to consider. Androgynous crossdreamers are different from (in mtf terms):

a) Transsexual crossdreamers, who are inwardly predominantly female.

b) Cisgender crossdreamers, who are inwardly predominantly male.

For the transsexual the femaleness of the whole needs to be accepted. Transitioning can be an outward realisation of this.

For the cisgender crossdreamer, crossdreaming needs to be acknowledged as a sexual characteristic that does not indicate a more general femininity. Sexual feelings derive from obscure places in strange ways.

For the androgynous crossdreamer the male and female parts need to like each other, and live together in cooperation, not conflict.

For the androgynous mtf crossdreamer the male part will be most evident in outer dealings, the female part in sexuality.

These three types of crossdreamers should appreciate each other's difference and not interpret the two other sorts as being like themselves really but not realising or admitting it. But we are all crossdreamers, so we can all be sympathetic friends to each other.


[Note to the philosophically and scientifically minded: I am not assuming (or rejecting) biological essence. What causes androgyny, transsexualism?I don't know; I don't need to know. By 'self' I  mean 'the person I have become', by 'female/male' I mean 'as those identities are comprehended within our culture'. By 'inner' I mean 'within the self's consciousness'. Whatever their origin, none of these characteristics can be easily changed, perhaps they cannot be changed at all. The argument about essence is divisive and not crucial for crossdreamers' positive development. Biological? Non-biological? Leave that to washing powders.]

Sexy battles within

'Pull her done the tube! pull her down the tube! Pull her down the tube!'

I, the conscious ego am not the director of this blog. I am not the director of myself. I can control, I can discipline, but I do not determine the flow.

'Pull her done the tube! pull her down the tube! Pull her down the tube!

The tube that leads to crossdreamers' nirvana.

Crossdreamy sirens wink at me knowingly, summon me, seduce me. I see them in women's eyes, I see them in everything I find I have in common with other crossdreamers, , I see them in everything Deborah finds sexy.

Seducing me not away from a proud defensive masculinity but from an rl focus. Like getting drunk, abandoning all those sensible, practical concerns.

It's like turning on to a part of self that is too inner to focus on or have been formed by rl engagement.

Wretched, boring, harsh old rl engagement. Yuk!

The crossdreamy sirens are of course within me. They are me. I am a crossdreamy siren.

Abandonment is liberation, is actualisation.

Liberated and actualised, I am t-female. Yesss! Wheeee!

I started by entitling this 'sexy battles within'. It was intended to be about conflict between different parts of me. But I think we won the Battle of Deborah, didn't we, girls? Not much of a battle at all, was it. One man's battle is another girl's liberation, I suppose.

 I am t-female. Yesss! Wheeee!

The lipstick is mightier than the pen

Oh haven't some of us got sooh bogged down in 'is it just a fetish...?', 'Blanchard, Lawrence etc. ...'? I resolve from now on to leave all that to others and concentrate more on painting my nails. Dear Jack Molay, I won't take issue with you any more if I disagree with you slightly - you've got enough on your plate without  having to answer my little points, and really I've got better, sexier, bolder and more personal  things to do than to make such points.

Seriously though Jack you've done great work to help all of us crossdreamy girls, you are a true heroine. Thank you ever so much. x x x

Ooh, talking of heroines, look at my new heroine Rebecca Hall dressed like a catwalk princess at this premiere do last week. The sexy quasi-androgynous look, the 'oh, fuck me, purrrleasse' heels, the thick lipstick, the 'ooh, steal a look at my boobies' top. She usually looks more like this:

I just love the thought of her thinking 'look, just because I'm an intellectual, thoughtful, demurely sophisticated   person doesn't mean I'm above being sexy, you know. In fact, I fucking love it.' Of course Rebecca is sexy however she appears, in fact I think she actually looks less attractive dressed like that than she usually does. It's just the though of her wanting to present herself as a sex object that thrills me so.

Sex-object/sex-subject. Alloerotic/auterotic. Wanting to appear sexy because you are so full of sexy feelings yourself.

And me, I want to appear sexy too, girls (and boys).

Within the man a woman.

Within the serious t-woman, a t-slut, in service of her own sex drive.

If anyone reads this blog regularly it's probably because they seek some thoughtful reflections on crossdreaming. But, fuck it, girls, Debbie's gonna get her handbag and saunter right out from all that dry stuff. There's a bimbo within the even the most sensitive and erudite.

Beneath the surface, not too far below it in fact, sex flows in all of us. In you too, reader...

The sun's femme daughters feel it

Oh, the sun is shining, and it's feels sooooh natural to flow with all the lovely femme sexuality within. It's a deep a part of me, and a just so lovely part of me. I caress my beautiful femininity.

I want to caress all the femininity in the world.

Heaven, earth and Deborah unite in a beautiful 'ooooh!'.

Lets all chant 'ooooh' together.

Decloset

Jason, the administrator of Crossdream Life, has set up a lovely new site called Decloset. It's a place where all us crossdreamy girls - and anyone else for that matter - can post pictures of our favourite clothes from our fantasy wardrobes.

It's only just opened, so please do support it: it's fun! A nice and easy way for us online t-girls to share what we like with each other.

I just love looking at sexy femininity through a crossdreaming frame. Not just through my own crossdreaming eyes, but as a shared desire, a collective 'oooooh!'.

And, while you're at it, enjoy these deliciously sexy (but not hardcore porn at all) femme videos in the same way.

Oh, I so love femininity. In myself, and everywhere...wheeee!!!

See you in Decloset, girls!

Love and pink kisses,
Ultra-girlie Debbie x x x

Here are some pictures from Decloset of the lovely Jason: