Queendom of the internal

Wouldn't the world be so different if we were all turned inside out, so that our innermost feelings were what everyone else saw of us?

In such a new world transgender would be no more exraordinary than the rest of the transformations.

The inside is real, though, even if it never becomes the outside. The way the world is arranged so that we meet each other on the outside can make the inner realm - certainly including transgender feelings - seem nebulous, but real and important it certainly is. How real and how important we might need to reassert to ourselves frequently.

I'm fascinated by having an identity - crossdreamer - that connects me with others, through inner feelings rather than outer features. Inner feelings are so individual, yet these are my special bond with others. And furthermore, these feelings indicate I actually conform to , I actually belong within, a certain category. I read about what crossdreamers feel, and appreciate 'yes, that is me, on the inside'. Not so completely individual after all.

Most group identities are derived from undisputable external facts, such as nationality, age. Some are derived from conscious choices, such as political affiliation. But crossdreamer is neither external nor chosen. It is derived from inner feelings.

A lot of trans bloggers start with the assertion 'I am trans', then discuss either discuss politics and theory or else describe what they do, externally, to act on their trans feelings. But I am more interested in the feelings themselves,how the self experiences and relates to them.

It's extraordinary and fascinating.

By putting my thoughts and feelings out on this blog they acquire a different reality than if they remained just currents in my internal ocean that flows back and forth indefinitely and leaves few traces. Here they  become but drops in the ocean of cyberspace; but for you, reader, in this moment now, they are entering your consciousness, with love from me to you. x x