Here on this blog I want to express my trans feelings, in all their femme glory.
How to act upon those feelings, beyond writing a blog, is difficult to decide.
What are my beliefs about trans? Oh, the beliefs are not really part of the feelings, nor is expressing them the really satisfying action. Debating beliefs slides the project away from getting into my femininity towards the pleasure of intellectual debate. Not a particularly femme pleasure is it?
I feel I have spent too much time in such debate. Hence the non-intellectual style of recent posts.
Yet lest there are readers critiquing the validity of my assertions in the previous post (not evident from the comments department), here once again are some intellectual qualifications.
The claim of inner femaleness is an expression of deep feeling. It is not a scientific claim or a political demand.
I do not believe that I - the whole of me - is female, because I maintain that there is a lot more to gender than just self-interpretation of the inner self. I do not have a female body and I have not had the experience of living as a woman. So I am not one.
Without any scientific claim to support it, is my identifying my inner self as female not a conceit? I would say no more than is a man's identifying his inner self as male.
I feel strongly that there is nothing wrong (as opposed to difficult) about an inner self /outer self discrepancy. It creates greater gender understanding and acceptance, I would think.
And sexuality? It is Freud's eros, a force pulsing vitally through life. Locating one's inner gender there doesn't marginalise or invalidate it. .
But identifying as inwardly feminine can be a wider, more important project than just a specialised way of attaining orgasm. It surely affects one's self-image profoundly, and why shouldn't it? It is a choice, a bold one in spite of much. In fact it is an important action in response to deep feelings, more than it is a belief.
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