Watching Victoria's Secret Fashion Show videos has got me feeling all sexy crossdreamy femmey. VS really is femme nirvana. Go luxuriate in it, girls.
As Deborah i can feel all sexy crossdreamy femmey.
As Deborah i can feel tender and tearful.
As Deborah i can feel strong, wanting to accept myself honestly and realistically.
People all have different modes. In sexy mode they are quite unlike how they are in more earnest modes.
So, sexy femmey Debbie is not the whole of Deborah, but a real and important part, because sexuality is real and important, right?
Oh, i feel so drawn into the femmey vids, so delightfully compelled, summoned.
It's a lovely subversive directing of testesterone.
Have i been bitten by a feminisation vampire (feminisation as in femme, right? see the lovely Jonathan on all about femme)? It's a lovely, sexy thought, isn't it?
That was kinda the original idea of 'Deborah Descends' - a sort of fall into decadent delicious sin. And in some ways that's not a good image, right, but in a way that feels good - it's what our heroine Debs has done to poor old Mirror Brother. Cos, y'know, for all his acceptance MB can't help but attach some masculinity to his proud self-image. But he's lost, he's been defeated, haha, plunged into pink femme loveliness.
This is who i am, not, like, one of the VS models, obviously, but someone who feels compelled to not just love their femmeness but to identify with it.
By realising this, i have been feminised. My self-image has been feminised. Femme has won a total victory. Wheeee!!!
And it's true that i don't have feminisation fantasies. In my fantasies now i am already f from the start. Lovely!
i know the wannabe aspect can seem feeble. Lotsa natal girls are VS model wannabes too, though. But to get to that recognition of myself as one of the many t-fantasy girls, to feel good about this, has been quite a journey, y'know.
In some internal place, i walk down the catwalk with pride, with a bounce.
What feels important is to acknowledge, that whatever the cause of my feelings, they are deep and fundamental to who i am. So fundamental that i kinda see myself as one of the crossdreamy girls more fundamentally than anything else. That that is my deepest identity, the rest is superficial, just the product of how i have evolved, transfraction and all.
And if you also feel this deep, deep pull to identify with the femme, then we are t-sisters, we have a special bond that is more important than individual character traits and rl circumstances.
As John Lennon sang, 'You may say that i'm a dreamer, but i'm not the only one'.
And now take a deserved break from my boring old rationalisation of something too deep for lil ole me to understand, and revel in sheer femme loveliness, here! Pink girls rule the world! xxx
I’m loving those VS videos, Debs! Thanks for posting. The funny thing is that, being tall and thin myself, I find I can focus my crossdressing self through those models, even though I will never have a body like that. I think it’s because their ‘performance’ is just that: an exuding of natural femininity admixed with a constructed and commodified idea of the feminine. I don’t know what the percentage is of each ingredient, but approaching the transgender experience as a male-bodied crossdreamer, I struggle to find that balance. How much of what I feel is a genuinely “deep pull to identify with the femme” and how much an internalising of what Western culture decrees to be girly and sexy? D
ReplyDeleteThanks Dabs! xx
ReplyDeleteThey're lovely, sumptuous videos, aren't they?
Of course 'authentic' and 'culturally constructed' can't be completely separated. For crossdreamers the deep pull is towards a femmeness that represents femininity. Whether it is an instinct towards the female through its representation as femmeness or (as Jonathan argues) towards a femmeness that the female has come to signify, I don't know.
What I'm getting fed up with is how a deep pull towards VS videos leads me to discussing semiotics! Maybe I won't be intellectual much longer... xxx