Divided

Fully acknowledging my transness feels like a kind of growing up. It feels like recognising what's deep within me, appreciating that other elements of myself were not so deep as I thought. Some of my pursuits were understandable, but misguided.

What I yearn to have been the case - what I still wish for others for the future - is for it to be cool at the time of puberty to say 'I am trans'. At this point you could find your community, do whatever you want that is trans, without any secrecy, guilt or animosity from others.

Now, to Mirror Brother, Deborah seems distant to the point of being nebulous, covered by all the years of me not being directed by my own transness. See, I can't even describe it without confusion about who is 'I'. When I say 'I am Deborah' Mirror Brother is entitled to say 'hey, what about me, I think I'm pretty real, also I've been looking after 'myself' all these years, I deserve more respect'.

But no, Mirror Brother is not saying that. Mirror Brother is saying 'yes, let me be Deborah'.

But what is 'being Deborah'? Just writing a fucking blog?

Restlessness and confusion become the norm. Is that not the case for you too, t-sisters? Confusion and doubt prevent us from uniting with each other to combat that very confusion and doubt within each of us. Divided we descend. xx