Deborah being danced

I - my conscious understanding - am dancing with something much bigger than myself. Any notion I might have that I am leading the dance is foolish.

A blog gives a sense of power - the blogger is god in their own blogworld. Just choosing words to put out to be read by other people presents an impression of control.

But I do not really comprehend my transness. More importantly, I do not know what to do with it, where to take it.

I am fed up with arguing points, as if from a position of assured comprehension.

So perhaps a blog is not the best medium for what I am seeking - an affirmation and development of my inner femininity.

A sense of impasse sometimes leads Mirror Brother to think 'cut the online cd-life out, this will give you so much more time and energy for other pursuits.'

But I, Deborah, need to breathe. I don't want to be totally cooped up in one person's psyche.

I do not seek to persuade you to believe anything. I just wish to be witnessed.

This blog remains the best place I know for my inner female to say 'Here I am. I exist and I am female.'

The urge to say that is so strong, so deep.