Debbie's sexual boots

(N.B. lots of involved introspection here; sexy boots only feature in the last two paragraphs.)


I am experiencing some of the mixed feelings about Deborah Descends that I had about Mirror Sister towards the end of its life.

Since I've promoted it on reddit this blog has greatly increased its readership.

I'm disappointed when I get few readers but when I get a lot of them I feel disconcerted.

A large readership inclines me to more of an addressing-a-public style rather than a private diary style. This I can find confining. I have contemplating splitting between a more public and a more private blog again.

I'm both tempted to be a prominent presence in debates about crossdreaming and resistant. Like most people, I like to edge the world a little closer to my own way of thinking (in this case a positive attitude to crossdreaming as a sexuality), but also I am aware that debate usually ends in frustration. You are convinced you are right yet people still disagree with you. Eventually it can feel an unconstructive use of time.

I have made a few contributions recently to Crossdream Life, which probably confuses readers who remember me declaring my retirement from the forum. Well, I am still resolved not to engage in arguments there, or to regard welcoming and encouraging others as my personal role, but I couldn't help but be drawn into the sheer sexiness of the 'Videos that make you think of crossdreaming' thread. The fact that these videos are presented by crossdreamers as sexy viewing for other crossdreamers definitely adds to the sexiness, as well as providing a sense of sisterhood which is such an encouraging affirmation. On the forum there are other threads like this too which I love, alongside all the 'should I transition?' and 'is it honourable biological transsexualism or is it a worthless pervy fetish?' threads.

I must also consider what I want to do on the crossdreaming subreddit. I could end up just using it as a surrogate Crossdream Life, which seems a bit pathetic.  

Another aspect of all this is the oddity of discussing sexuality with unsexy earnestness. Why don't I just let myself be sexy?

Sexual urges have a vitality that is in itself life-affirming as well as compelling, but where they lead to may not be healthy. Is it inherent in the nature of sexuality that it cannot really be well  integrated into the rest of life? That it is inherently in tension with sensible, good living? That there is a wisdom to confining its acknowledgement to being an affirmation of a one-to-one 'relationship', and keeping the rest secret naughtiness? Alloeroticism  places a perhaps expedient constraint on free sexual activity that autoeroticism does not.

Feelings that I should get away from all this internet sexuality sink gradually in the mire of the petty dissatisfaction and deep meaninglessness of regular rl everyday life. Pursuing genuinely desired long-term goals involves an alienating deferred gratification. Even booking a holiday, much as I would enjoy the actual holiday, involves so much tiresome and slightly stressful coordinating of arrangements that it doesn't really compete with the sexy videos on Crossdream Life. Plus when I writeonline I am impacting, however slightly, on the lives of - mostly unknown - others, my readers, which feels at least slightly meaningful and worthwhile.

Of course the title Deborah Descends suggests a fall, a surrender into depravity. And of course the notion of that is in itself very sexy.

Some women just exude sexuality, like it has taken them over. Do they realise that they create this impression? Probably not: unlike crossdreamers their primary motivation is not autoerotic stimulation. I have a fantasy about large femme boots that when worn take the wearer over, possess their soul, make them slaves to sex.

Where are Debbie's boots walking her too?