Debbie's serious thoughts of the month

Crossdreaming/autogynephilia is probably the only sexuality about which most serious discussion focuses on its cause.

I think this is harmful for crossdreamers and for the development of a crossdreaming community.

In a post of 16 January 2013, Jack Molay, who coined the term, defined mtf crossdreamers clearly as 'male-bodied persons who get aroused by the idea of being a woman'. I don't think that the term has always been employed so unambiguously, but I thoroughly approve of this clear-cut definition. If this definition is stuck to tightly, then I would like 'crossdreaming'  to be used in preference to 'autogynephilia'. It sounds so much nicer, doesn't it? Furthermore Jack has not so much developed as created the crossdreaming community, out of an undoubted strong desire to help us all, so it is appropriate that we use his term (even if he has gone a bit over the top in his anti-Blanchard fervour recently).

Blanchard has been condemned by many, in no uncertain terms, for treating gender dysphoria as a symptom of autogynephilia. I think there can also be harm in treating crossdreaming as a symptom of dysphoria, less because it might not be one than because this belittles the importance of the sexuality in its own right.

So I think it is very important to distinguish crossdreaming from dysphoria. Some crossdreamers suffer from dysphoria and some do not. It is our crossdreaming sexuality that unites us, and such unity is important. What I think is crucial is to distinguish the dysphoria of dysphoric crossdreamers from the crossdreaming of dysphoric crossdreamers.

I am very fortunate not to suffer from dysphoria. I am all for dysphorics supporting each other. Should dysphorics transition? That is not for me to say. This very difficult decision should be up to each individual, perhaps guided by the advice of knowledgeable, supportive others (as long as those others are not motivated by a political agenda to get people to transition, a disdain for trans people who don't  - or the opposite motivations). But in principle I am all in favour of men turning into women.

Crossdreaming is a sexuality, and sexuality is a very important part of life. This is true for dysphorics and non-dysphorics alike. Sexuality is inherently pleasurable, and a strong crossdreaming community can help dysphorics and non-dysphorics alike enjoy and feel good about their sexuality.

If crossdreaming is not distinguished from dysphoria, then serious focus on the sexuality is liable to get swamped by focus on dysphoria and the possibility of transitioning.

Should crossdreamers transition on account of their sexuality? If they want to because they think it a turn-on then I have no objection, but I would advise them to think hard about it first, especially about the difference between fantasy and rl. I doubt many people actually transition without a deep conviction that it is right for them, but there are probably quite a few non-transitioners who feel cowardly because they have not gone down what others have advocated as their only path to fulfilment.

Acknowledging oneself to be a crossdreamer, to have such an unorthodox and disdained sexuality, is not easy. That is why I think it is important that there is an affirmative community, outside of TG pornography, that helps individual crossdreamers to embrace their sexuality without shame, that doesn't think of crossdreaming as something to be got rid off, either through therapy or though transitioning.

I don't think it is helpful for people acknowledging their crossdreaming sexuality to have the serious, difficult issue of transitioning thrust in their face. Acknowledging crossdreaming is hard enough in itself. Uncertain feelings about the sexuality can be confused with dysphoria. The belief 'if you crossdream you must be transsexual, therefore you should transition' ought not to be allowed to dominate crossdreaming culture.

Crossdreaming is a fascinating sexuality. Important contexts for it are:

- cultural gender roles

- the relationship between inner and outer life

- the relationship between self and other

- the relationship between sexual and non-sexual realms

- the differences between online and offline life

Aspects of crossdreaming that can be explored, beyond the element of gender, are:

- its relationship to introversion

- its relationship to male heterosexuality

- its relationship to other sexual predilections such as masochism

- its relationship to other fantasies of transformation.

Relationships that I do not encourage the study of - beyond serious scientific investigations - are relationships to mental illness, low self-esteem, sense of failure as a male. It doesn't do a community or an individual good to dwell on such themes: it can lead to an indulgent wallowing that serves no one.

But investigation, even comprehension, is much less important than the development of an affirmative community.

Our sexuality is a sexuality, not a symptom.