Are there any youngsters in the audience? I'm over twenty-five myself, and I'd like to condesecendingly proffer you advice.
Firstly, don't write off your male self. Whatever your inner psychological make-up, your male self has evolved through your relating to the outside world. As such, it is an important part of the real you; it is not a mask.
Don't give up on your esteem as a male, as a result of bad experiences in your family or at school. Most areas of adult life are less tough than school. You can find happiness and meaning in adult pursuits that do not involve being macho.
Secondly, do explore active heterosexuality (i.e. sex and love with actual women, not porn). Give it a chance. Give yourself a chance to get into this activity that so many people are into so much. Don't think 'I'm a crossdreamer, it's not for me'. You don't know until you've tried it, and tried more than just one or two disappointing times.
If you are shy, it's hard. The only way to overcome shyness if through experience, but through experience shyness can be overcome. It's unlikely that crossdreaming will go away, but shyness often does. Don't use crossdreaming as an excuse not to challenge your shyness.
Enjoy a heterosexual love life parallel to private crossdreaming. The two can be thoroughly complementary.
Don't worry if you have crossdreaming fantasies during sex. Most people have fantasies during sex. Crossdreaming ones are no more disloyal to your partner than hetero ones, in fact less so because you are not mentally rejecting her for another woman.
If eventually you feel that at a deep level heterosexuality doesn't feel quite right and you'd prefer to concentrate on crossdreaming, then do that. Eventually. You will be making an informed choice. You won't spend the rest of your life wondering wistfully what it would be like to have a female lover.
Just be very wary of big commitments like marriage or children.
I wouldn't recommend a life lived without experience of alloerotic love. It broadens you, can relieve you of emotional isolation. It might not be as brilliant as crossdreaming, but it's not bad. xx
Good one Debbie. Not hating our male selves is important for our sanity!
ReplyDeleteYes, certainly.
ReplyDeleteI hope you are well, Jaya. I look forward to more from Inner Woman Speaks Out. xx
The old self-fulfilling prophecy! I really think that crossdreaming can really go to work on people. Probably it would be fair to say that perhaps most crossdreamers could do with a psychologist from a very early age to make sense of often an extremely counterintuitive experience.
ReplyDeleteAlso relevant here is usually the comparison, unfairly relating "plain old vanilla sex" with the fantastical stuff of fantasies. Usually among those who are more inexperienced with the vanilla activities. Seldom do they realise it none the less has a place, a very important sexy place at that!
Hi wxh, honey! Yes, I do agree, except in that I have less trust in psychologists. xxx
ReplyDeleteYeah, a psychologist can be of some help in terms of elucidating the experience is some way or degree, it doesn't necessarily mean they may be beneficial
ReplyDelete