As an 'inner woman' I am stronger and more instinctive than I might seem. And I seem to feed on creative writing.
It's almost as if Mirror Brother is merely my channel. A channel who sometimes doesn't feel like working. That's fair enough, bro - we understand each other well.
Just now I had an image of myself in a wind tunnel, resisting being blown away by clinging tightly to a post.
I didn't blow away.
Expressing myself as Deborah indicates an optimism , a sense of self-expression, indeed of life, as worthwhile. Mirror Brother often does not accord with this sense.
Being Deborah is also connected to masturbation. Of course I do not deny the validity and importance of sexuality, nor the validity and importance of my particular crossdreaming sexuality. Yet masturbation is an undignified activity, stimulated by undignified thoughts. This is true for most people (everybody?), not just crossdreamers. Nevertheless, the role of Mirror Brother's sexual stimulation in Deborah's existence can provide a discouraging context for Deborah's writing/existence. One part of this self-doubt is 'why not go for the sexual stimulation more overtly, be explicitly erotic? Why be so inhibited, presenting Deborah as as a reflective intellectual?'
Writing as Deborah also has a context of the internet. The internet offers a broad life now, but a lesser-dimensional one. There is also something compulsive (and hence not really satisfying) about it.
But fuck all that. I write because I am Deborah. I write therefore I am. I am therefore I write.
And I (Mirror Bother/Mirror Sister combined) always feels better for having created a fresh post.
Many thanks for reading me. My love to you all.
D x x
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