Sometimes I feel far removed from my female inner self; usually it's when I'm too preoccupied with the external world to have time to be inward. But at other times I feel female when I am excited, I feel female when I am calm. It's the calm feeling that is new. It's a deep, deep feeling. Also new is the responding feeling of near oneness with it. A deeper inner voice, and the response 'yes, I know'.
To fully accept inner femaleness is a major achievement. I'm working on it. That's quite enough to progress with. No need to bash my head in futility against outer maleness.
I can understand why people want to reject identities like 'genderqueer'. It is not a politically adopted posture, it is not a performance, a radical signification, it is a response to a deep feeling. That is how I feel it. You may wish to discount or deconstruct my feeling. I want a more positive relationship with my feelings.
Nor 'bigender'. The feeling of femaleness is not comparable to the feeling of maleness. It comes from a very different place. I am drawn towards it. I am not drawn to maleness.
I do believe that there is more to gender than deep subjective identification. If one is brought up a male, has a male social persona, is responded to by others as male, has a male body, then these are all part of one's gender constitution.
But I wish embrace the deep inner femaleness thoroughly . Doing so moves me greatly.
Female.
Female.
Female.
No comments:
Post a Comment