Nervous. I am nervous at expressing myself directly after all these years. It's overwhelming and of course I might get it wrong.
Tearful. When I think of all the girl things I could have done, but couldn't because of my outer maleness. Of course I feel very deprived.
Tears of sadness. Oh to be able to do natural feminine things, not as a transgressive performance, not exaggerated, not for naughty thrills but just naturally, unselfconsciously...
Tears of joy. Not only was I in a prison by I was neglected, denied a conscious self. Now I have one again.
There is so much inner work to be done to become myself more fully. Within the prison walls there is scope for wonderful improvements. So no banging my head against the bars.
The outer boy remains, but the inner boy is happy to be shed like an old skin. xxx
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