Maturity and adolescence

I have a strong desire to settle on a position that accepts my transness in a deep, calm, mature way.

Transness is a challenge to really accept. It can, though, also feel like a comfortable, sensual private refuge, a kind of warm womb. So in which direction do bravery and honesty point?

I also have a screaming adolescent t-girl inside of me, stunted by years of confinement and now overflowing with tears, anger, passion, instinctive drive. She hates the very equanimity sought in my first sentence. Screaming adolescents regard equanimity as a denial of the intense vitality they experience.

To complicate matters further, as with many of us,  my t-feelings ebb and flow in waves. Furthermore withdrawal from outer world activity facilitates t-consciousness, and beyond some point further withdrawal is neither practical or desirable.

And then there is sexual desire, which, by nature, also runs counter to calm, wise, sensible attitudes.

So there is hardly a single clear voice from Miss Deborah.

Most strongly, though, there are feelings. It is these feelings with which I identify, which I have the urge to express.

I am not a commentator upon trans. I am trans.