Again, you've somehow captured my dilemma too. Particularly the struggle to accept my feelings and desires. It's very hard to to worry about what other people think.
Yes it is hard not to worry about what other people think. It's best to try to separate that from feeling good about yourself inwardly though. Your feelings and desires are fine, whatever their cause, and however you act upon them (or don't).
If you try to interpret the cause of your feelings, in an honest and openminded way, you can't really arrive at a confident conclusion. Even professional experts are just guessing, really. xx
A brilliantly succinct summary of the dilemma, Debs! I go into the New Year thinking, ‘Am I indulgently making too much of a mere fetish? And if it is a mere fetish, why am I wasting so much time on it?’ Your approach – self-validation rather than self-analysis – is surely the right one, but it is SO hard to summon enough ‘meaning’ from within yourself to counter the effects of socialisation and upbringing. The irony here is that proponents of the ‘gendered brain’ theory would argue that empathy is characteristic of the ‘female brain’, and empathy is precisely what we doubters display when we imagine what other people will think of us or how they’ll react to us.
I think the post is a succinct articulation of a fundamental dilemma. At the same time the second two voices represent voices from the audience - the camp that wants us to regard ourselves as transsexuals, and the camp that wants us to regard ourselves as fetishists. I can feel like a battlefield, in which the nuances of my own self-interpretation struggle to grow with this aggressive conflict taking place over me. I feel angry when others post on the net desperately seeking help about something very personal and sensitive, and their case gets kicked around by warring factions (e.g. on reddit).
Good point about empathy, and yes, it is hard to have confidence in an inner conviction that flies in the face of so much. As I have expressed in recent posts, the self-validation route enables development beyond intellectual doubt, but for me the sheer interiority of it left my trans identity in too nebulous a space. You, by contrast, are considering the very brave move of taking your trans identity out into rl. This makes diagnosis more crucial for you. Perhaps a way out of theoretical irresolution could be an empirical study of those who have actually transitioned. What proportion come to regret it, thinking that they misinterpreted their AGP? Some do, but what proportion I don't know. If you're reading Jack and Third Way Trans you're seeing both sides; maybe you could investigate further.
Again, you've somehow captured my dilemma too. Particularly the struggle to accept my feelings and desires. It's very hard to to worry about what other people think.
ReplyDeleteYes it is hard not to worry about what other people think. It's best to try to separate that from feeling good about yourself inwardly though. Your feelings and desires are fine, whatever their cause, and however you act upon them (or don't).
ReplyDeleteIf you try to interpret the cause of your feelings, in an honest and openminded way, you can't really arrive at a confident conclusion. Even professional experts are just guessing, really. xx
A brilliantly succinct summary of the dilemma, Debs! I go into the New Year thinking, ‘Am I indulgently making too much of a mere fetish? And if it is a mere fetish, why am I wasting so much time on it?’ Your approach – self-validation rather than self-analysis – is surely the right one, but it is SO hard to summon enough ‘meaning’ from within yourself to counter the effects of socialisation and upbringing. The irony here is that proponents of the ‘gendered brain’ theory would argue that empathy is characteristic of the ‘female brain’, and empathy is precisely what we doubters display when we imagine what other people will think of us or how they’ll react to us.
ReplyDeleteThanks Dabs!
ReplyDeleteI think the post is a succinct articulation of a fundamental dilemma. At the same time the second two voices represent voices from the audience - the camp that wants us to regard ourselves as transsexuals, and the camp that wants us to regard ourselves as fetishists. I can feel like a battlefield, in which the nuances of my own self-interpretation struggle to grow with this aggressive conflict taking place over me. I feel angry when others post on the net desperately seeking help about something very personal and sensitive, and their case gets kicked around by warring factions (e.g. on reddit).
Good point about empathy, and yes, it is hard to have confidence in an inner conviction that flies in the face of so much. As I have expressed in recent posts, the self-validation route enables development beyond intellectual doubt, but for me the sheer interiority of it left my trans identity in too nebulous a space. You, by contrast, are considering the very brave move of taking your trans identity out into rl. This makes diagnosis more crucial for you. Perhaps a way out of theoretical irresolution could be an empirical study of those who have actually transitioned. What proportion come to regret it, thinking that they misinterpreted their AGP? Some do, but what proportion I don't know. If you're reading Jack and Third Way Trans you're seeing both sides; maybe you could investigate further.
Good luck and lots of love,
Debs xxx