Girlifesto

I've just been reading my post of 13 February, Debbie's serious thoughts of the month. I don't like it. I haven't changed my mind about the opinions expressed, I just don't like the tone. It's like I'm a big political leader canvassing for influence.

How did I get into that position?

Well I suppose the crossdreaming community still qualifies as nascent, and so it is open to influence. My take 'how can we best enjoy the female within us / our crossdreaming sexuality?', uncontroversial though it seems, turns out to be up against 'crossdreamers need to do something to rescue themselves from their awful predicament', either through (a) curing the affliction, to become proper men, or (b) transitioning, to become proper women.  I see a potential for freeing up of oppressive gender binaries, as the self develops opportunities to diversify in the new world of cyberspace. But others want a unitary self - inner, outer, online, offline, sexual, non-sexual - all consistent and all definitely either m or  f. Fair enough, that's their choice, but when individuals seek to push others firmly into either the m or f camp, I don't like it.

I also think that our fragile little community can easily be torn apart by bitter fighting about the cause of crossdreaming, which takes attention away from the sheer affirmation that we are crossdreamers; a crucial affirmation, not one that merely begs a contentious question. Yet when it does come to serious psychological interpretation, my intellectual honesty opposes the imposition of a standard, comfortable belief upon the community.

But in taking a strong line I stick a wall in front of my own openness to all the conflicting currents within me. Let Debbie be blown hither and thither.

On reflection, by insisting on the centrality of crossdreaming sexuality I might have sounded too much like a man who owns a 'fetish' but is still proud of their masculinity. That's not me at all. I'm just against trans people downplaying the sexuality, because seeing my sexuality being downplayed doesn't feel good. I don't like the attitude that trans people must either be honourable biological transsexuals or else perverts who give trans a bad name. That attitude disdains people for having a sexuality which they did not choose and is not about harming others. It is my sexuality.

But I don't mean don't develop your inner woman, I don't mean just be a man with a fetish.

I say develop your inner woman, without making any scientific claim about her. Loosen the chains of cultural gender norms this way. Write as your inner woman, not just as a man saying 'this is what turns me on'. And yes, your inner-woman feelings might well not be sexual.

But don't be quick to disown your outer man. Your outer man is the part of you that's grown through contact with the world. It is not false. My good sister Jaya puts it well here.

As for me, I definitely get something good and important from asserting here now, as a voice within a complex person, 'I am Debbie, I am female. I am not an expert commentator on trans: I am trans.'

I write not as a sexual fantasy, but as the androgynous person who has the sexual fantasies (but has much more besides), with the female part in control of the keyboard.

Solidarity trans-sisters! Lets hold hands.

Love and kisses from t-girl Debbie x x x